On a Wednesday night in September 2014, I attended a “girls’ night out” meetup at The Abbey club and bar in West Hollywood. It had been barely two weeks since I’d driven cross-country to move to Los Angeles and this introvert was trying to make new friends.
Three delightful women showed up at the meetup. We grabbed drinks and yelled at each other over the music while we still could before the club filled to brimming. And then we danced.
Performers of all genders danced above us on platforms around the crowded floor, swinging not just on poles but on pipes suspended from the ceiling. The women caught my eye the most and got most of my tips to match. They were so strong and fierce.
“I want to do that!” I yelled at one of my new friends.
“You should try pole dancing classes!” she yelled back.
In the weeks after, I took to Yelp. I tried intro classes at two different pole studios before I found the studio that would become my home for the next four years.
Before I started pole dancing, I was active with cardio and strength training. I loved to dance casually but I never had any formal dance or gymnastics training. I considered myself kind of awkward and I wanted to learn how to harness my sensuality in a more conscious way. Below is one of my first videos from when I finally started filming myself in January 2016. This was a private session.
Nowadays, I mix pole dancing with regular strength training exercises at the gym. It can be a little tricky scheduling arm/leg days around pole training, but I like to cross-train to protect against muscle imbalances. I haven’t been as consistent in my stretching schedule as I’d like and my hips are tighter now than ever. My 2021 goals include progressing my splits and backbends.
What are your goals for 2021? Leave a comment below and let me know!
Over the years I’ve curated a large collection of pole dancing music, which you can find here. You can also check out all the pole dancing shoes I’m thirsting over and my essential pole dancing accessories. If you’re looking to get a home pole, read my review of the best home poles.
Finding a Pole Home and Teachers You Love
2021 will mark my 7th anniversary of pole dancing. I’ve stuck around with pole for so long because I found studios and teachers I love. It might take you a few tries to find a studio that feels like home, but the search is worth it when you find the one. Pole is just as much about community as it is about dance.
Everyone’s different, too. We’re all looking for different things out of our pole practice and every pole studio has its own unique vibe. Someone’s ideal studio might not have the qualities you’re looking for. Your favorite studio might only be an occasional cup of tea for someone else. It’s all good. Don’t be afraid to try multiple studios if you’re lucky to have options in your area. Find places where you feel safe and encouraged to explore and grow. Places where your body feels at ease and embraces the urge to move.
I personally love intimate studios with supportive teachers and great natural lighting. I started my pole journey at a smaller studio with a regular group of students that I got to know better over time. If you’re a beginner, I highly recommend signing up with a pole studio that offers series classes, where you can progress with the same group week after week. I started and got all the way from beginner to advanced level 1 with three of the same girls. It’s amazing to cheer each other on as you grow.
My Pole Journey: Pole Firsts!
First surprisingly hard pole move: The pirouette! I once spent 45 minutes of a private one-on-one session figuring it out. But now I’ve got it down solid.
First nemesis pole move: A clean invert. It took me years to figure out how to properly engage my lower abs to better master this move.
First pair of pole heels: 5.5 inch clear Pleasers, 2 years after starting.
First big conquered pole trick: The butterfly. 🦋
First pole song obsession: Desire by Meg Myers
What were your pole dancing firsts? Download the template and fill it out on your Instagram stories! Make sure to tag me on @sociallyrockward so that I see your post.
Credit Where Credit’s Due to Strippers and Sex Workers
As a pole hobbyist, it’s important to acknowledge the original creators of this beautiful art that we love so much. Modern pole dancing the way we know it today was pioneered by strippers and sex workers, specifically Black dancers and dancers of color. As non-sex-workers, we can avoid appropriating this culture by practicing conscientiously and supporting strippers and sex workers with our follows and wallets.
Why is this important? Because even as pole dancing has become more popular and mainstream than ever, sex workers are getting de-platformed, shadowbanned, and losing their streams of income. New laws continue to get passed that make it more difficult for sex workers to conduct business. Meanwhile, celebrities who play strippers and sex workers get all the profit and glamour.
Some resources to get started include:
- Stop Speaking For Us (Instagram) – A space for sex worker voices.
- Elle Stanger @stripperwriter is a sex worker, sex educator, and podcaster located in Portland.
- Sex Workers Alliance Ireland (Instagram)
- Life Drawing with the East London Strippers Collective @ethicalstripper
- Twerkology Nation (Instagram)
- Why Sex Work Should Be Decriminalized by the Human Rights Watch
- The movement to decriminalize sex work, explained by Vox
- NSWP: Global Network of Sex Work Projects, promoting health and human rights
- Challenging the introduction of the Nordic Model by NSWP
Whether you’re at a strip club or otherwise, don’t forget to pay sex workers! I also recommend seeking out pole teachers who have worked as strippers. There’s nothing like learning from real-life experience.
For more on this topic, read my article on how to be an ally to sex workers as a pole dancing hobbyist.
Trying New Studios and New Styles
I decided to expand my pole horizons in 2018 after 4 years of going exclusively to the same studio. I wanted to strengthen my choreography skills and break out of movement patterns. I was also inspired by my pole friends who were trying different studios and meeting new teachers. So I continued my usual weekly classes and ventured out to try other studio classes a few times per month.
I’m so glad I did this. I learned so much from opening myself up to more of what my greater pole community had to offer. I explored different types of classes and styles of dance, I strengthened and developed new aspects of my pole dance practice, and I started following more movers and dancers and instructors online. I leveled up to become a better-rounded dancer overall.
Things that I learned during this time:
- Eye contact is everything and also the hardest, but you get better with practice just like anything else.
- If I can get better at choreo, anyone can get better at choreo. The more you do it, the more you expand your movement vocabulary, and the easier it gets.
- How to twerk standing up. (I still lose it if I think about it too hard.)
- Rest is absolutely critical and can actually make you feel stronger when you come back.
- You never lose quite as much progress as you thought you would after a long break.
- Stretching absolutely makes a difference.
- Never skip warming up!!
The best part about exploring new studios was meeting new friends in my pole community. It can be just as easy to get into a bubble in your own studio as it is to get into familiar patterns of movement in your body. Breaking out and forming new connections is a great way to grow. And whenever you break out of your own comfort zone, that newfound power tends to translate to other parts of your life too.
If you’re feeling shy about going somewhere new on your own, go with a friend! You’ll often discover that other studios are just as friendly and welcoming as yours.
Pole Dancing Workshops: The Perfect Introduction or Deep Dive
I love workshops! They are such a great way to try different styles of dance, discover new studios, learn from expert instructors, and master specific types of movement.
I’ve taken lap dancing workshops, twerking workshops, holiday-themed choreography workshops, costumed workshops, heel workshops, the list goes on…
Workshops are usually single-time events. They’re a great way to take classes from pole teachers visiting from out of town, too. Nowadays with so many classes online, you can explore all sorts of pole dancing classes and workshops from instructors across the world.
My First Pole Dancing Performance
At the end of summer 2018, I participated in a 5-week workshop series and showcase organized by my long-term pole instructor and friend. The theme of the show was all about exploring our own individual inner goddess. Was she a lover or a fighter? What did she embody? How did she move?
In the first week, we focused on introversion and meditation. In our second week, we explored our own movements and combos. By the end of our third workshop session, we’d loosely formed our pieces. In the last two weeks, we continued workshopping and refining and rehearsing for each other. At the end of the 5-week series, we held a recital where we each danced to a 3-minute song in front of an audience.
I feel lucky to have been a part of this special creative process. I felt closer to everyone involved afterward. Some were friends I already knew but others were new faces. We watched each other grow and create and cheered each other on, and the show was a brilliant success.
That was my first official showcase performance. A month before, I signed up to pole dance at a local club’s charity event. I got fake dollars on stage that translated into real dollars for Planned Parenthood. It was a totally different experience – I winged my performance on the spot. But it was super fun and I’d totally do it again. Doing that low-stakes performance first definitely helped my nerves in the showcase!
What About Pole Competitions?
I don’t see myself signing up to compete anytime soon. I much prefer performing on stage for funsies than points. I’m happy to cheer on my friends who compete instead.
Every friend I’ve seen compete improves their pole practice by leaps and bounds. Competing inspires them to push themselves and their pole dancing skills level up in the process. But competition season is also a time of pain and injury when bodies get pushed too far.
Competing is an emotional process. From what I’ve heard and seen, no one ever truly feels prepared on the day of their competition, no matter how much they’ve trained in the weeks leading up. Everyone competes for different reasons, but there’s no doubt that competition is a time of intense growth.
Whenever competition season comes around, you can feel the nerves in every studio. Some bigger studios even have “competition teams” where students work in groups to build and refine their pieces.
Whether you’re interested in competing or not, I recommend attending a pole competition if you have the chance. Everyone’s hard work and support are on display. Friends and studios cheer like crazy for their pole sisters and brothers. The performances are beautiful and brilliant and so creative and inspiring. Everyone shines no matter how they place. Plus, pole competitions usually mean pole vendors! I look forward to stocking up on pole dancing gear at competition time every year.
My Biggest Pole Dancing Struggles and Conquests
Every body’s different. I’ve learned over the years not to compare myself to others (this is easier said than done, especially on the ‘gram). That way lies madness and also probably injury. If you think about it, the things we pole dancers do are incredibly acrobatic and take time to learn to execute properly. Tricks are exciting but you don’t want to rush your progress or push your body too far.
The more I advance in my dance practice, the more I embrace what works for my body. I don’t have to nail every trick or any tricks at all. I could swirl around the pole doing nothing but body rolls. I want my pole practice to endure, hopefully over many more years. That won’t happen if I risk injuring myself.
To be honest, sometimes learning new tricks or moves feels like it takes me a lot longer than it takes other people. Sometimes I feel like a baby crying over how much it hurts to condition new areas of skin on the pole or floor. Some days I struggle to love my body or feel myself enough for a free dance at the end of class. But if you talk to your pole classmates, you’ll realize most of them probably feel the same way at some point. Supporting each other through our struggles and conquests is part of what makes pole so special.
Mind-Body Connection and Core Engagement
One of the biggest pole dancing struggles that I’m only now learning to conquer is how to properly engage my core, especially my lower abs. This has been a lifelong struggle for me.
I started pole dancing with little body awareness and a weak sense of mind-muscle connection. I relied more on my limbs (mostly my arms) instead of my core to lift myself up. In 2016 I injured my elbow (tennis elbow) as a result of not engaging properly through my arm. I took 6 months off after that injury and wore an elbow brace to pole for at least another year. For years I struggled with having a strong “tuck” in my pelvis, which is a critical component of many pole moves and most inversions.
For background, I had a top-heavy figure in adolescence resulting in near-constant back pain, posture problems, and anterior pelvic tilt. I had a life-changing breast reduction surgery in my early 20s. My posture improved but some compensations remained. I’m currently working on correcting my posture from the ground up after pulling my hip flexor in 2018 just while walking.
I’ve made great physical therapy improvements by focusing on strengthening my glutes and truly connecting with my lower abs. I’ve had to work on establishing new mind-muscle connections that I simply wasn’t aware of before. It’s resulted in a much stronger spine and core for daily life, too. Recently I started a regular yoga practice for the first time, and my core is feeling stronger than ever. My inverts feel easier too.
If you’re struggling with a nemesis move like inverts, a new perspective can help you break through your blocks. A single new cue can help a move “click” and change everything about your execution. For me, it was “pussy to the pole.” For some reason that phrase made something click in my brain that improved my invert mechanics. Some people think of “knees to ears” to condition a basic fliptini invert.
Another tip that helped me: when you’re learning a new move, engage all your muscles in your whole body. Only after feeling solid in the move should you start relaxing muscles you don’t need to keep engaged.
Remember that pole involves a lot of push-pull mechanics. While one arm pulls, the other will push.
Finally, one cue that helps my pole dancing posture is to think of keeping my shoulders down and away from my ears. This opens up your chest and engages your lower core and mid-back.
Clenching My Jaw
I hold a lot of tension in my jaw. I recently went to the dentist because my molars hurt. I was worried I had a cavity despite flossing daily. The diagnosis? My hygiene is fine, I have no cavities, and I’m grinding my teeth.
Now, I already wear a custom nightguard to bed because I grind my teeth at night. (Sexy, I know.) That meant I was grinding my teeth during the day, too. Once I became conscious of this, I realized I was clenching my jaw when I lifted weights at the gym and when I did strength moves on the pole.
This is another area where I’m working on recognizing the tension in my jaw and redirecting that energy to the muscles that are supposed to engage instead.
Holding My Breath and Forgetting to Breathe
I know I’m not the only one who forgets to breathe on the pole! Holding my breath is one of the biggest limiting habits in my pole practice. It’s something I’m working on consciously to improve.
It might sound counterintuitive. You’re exercising, after all. That means you’re probably breathing harder than ever. But so often when I’m inverting or doing other pole tricks, I only realize I’m not breathing when my teacher reminds me to take a breath!
If you’re not breathing while you pole, your muscles aren’t getting the oxygen they need to perform at their best. You’re going to get tired so much more quickly.
The best way to break this habit I’ve found is to train yourself to be hyper-conscious of your breath while you pole. Try moving through your breath, using it as the initiating force. If you find yourself holding your breath in a specific move, work through that move with set breath points throughout. For example, in an invert, use your exhale as part of the force getting your hips over your head. Drill that just like you’re drilling the muscle memory of the move itself.
Once you’ve trained the habit, it’ll become more automatic and you won’t have to think about it so much.
Where I Am With Pole Dancing Now (2021)
Like most of the pole community, my pole practice has changed in a socially distant world. Since March 2020 I’ve taken all of my pole classes online from home. I still have goals, though. Some of them I can accomplish on my own but some I’d feel safer tackling with a spotter in a studio.
In the meantime, I’m conditioning at home for the tricks I want to conquer when studios open back up.
My Current Pole Dancing Conquests and Goals:
Last pole move I conquered: Spin pole Ballerina. Our instructor broke down this move in a way that “clicked” for so many students, including another teacher who’d been struggling with it for 7 years.
Moves I want to conquer next: The Ayesha, splits, everything handstands.
Current nemesis pole move: Straight leg laybacks. I can do them but it’s so scary!
Favorite pair of pole shoes: My 8-inch silver chrome Flamingo 808 Pleasers.
Current pole song obsession: White Dove by Koda
What are your recent conquests and future goals for your pole practice? Download the template and post it to your Instagram stories. Make sure to tag me at @sociallyrockward so I can see it. Or post your answers in the comments below. I’d love to hear about your pole journey!