About Zeina Khalem
Hi! I’m Zeina Khalem (she/her), elder millennial. Here’s a heavily filtered thirst pic I once sent to a lover.
After a bad relationship and a liberating divorce, I moved to Los Angeles in my late 20s to discover who I am and actualize who I want to be. I sowed my oats and grew a lot in the years that followed. Much of it was chaotic, more of it was toxic than I would’ve liked, and some of it was glorious and lovely. In any case, the sum of all these parts equals me.
I’ve been writing, drawing, and painting my whole life. I'm technically a lawyer, but I don't practice anymore. In the years before and after my divorce, I read hundreds of romance novels. In fact, a romance novel was part of what helped me realize the true, destructive nature of my marriage. During that difficult time, the genre became an emotional safe space for me. I particularly enjoy fantasy and sci-fi romance, contemporary romance, and historical romance novels the most – click here for a list of my favorite romance novel recommendations. I like my romance hot, sensual, emotionally intense, and erotic. Now I write romance and erotica myself.
I’ve practiced ethical non-monogamy since 2014. For a while, my go-to label was solo-polyamorous, but I currently identify simply as polyamorous, or polyam for short. I have one long-term life partner whom I consider an anchor or primary partner, plus I have other short- and long-term relationships, partners, and satellite lovers. I tend to get polysaturated at around 3.5 active relationships.
Polyamory came naturally to me after I lived the first decade of my adult life by the letter of monogamy, without much passion or thought. Ultimately, the rules of monogamy feel arbitrary and unnecessary to me. I don’t struggle a lot with jealousy (this is the first thing most people ask about), but I do feel jealousy and insecurity sometimes, like anyone else. I try to work through those emotions like any other feeling.
I believe that relationships can complement and uplift one another. I don’t want to have to be everything to someone, and I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on any one person, either. How wonderful it is to have our needs met by multiple supportive relationships in our lives. I appreciate that ethical non-monogamy allows both my partners and me to explore many kinds of intimacy and love without limiting the potential and depth of our connections. I try my best to be transparent, consent-focused, and respectful of my partners and their privacy. I like to meet and get to know my metamours (my partners’ partners) if that’s a thing everyone wants to do. Having been deeply isolated before in my marriage, community is important to me. I'm lucky that my chosen city has a wide and diverse polyam scene.
I started pole dancing in 2014 without any prior dance experience. Since then, I’ve learned a lot about my body and come a long way – my dance journey has not been a straight line by any means. Imagine more of a squiggle, injuries and periods of recovery mixed in with gains in strength and confidence. Speaking of squiggles, sometimes I write about my amateur experience wrangling my curly hair.
I immigrated to the United States with my family when I was a kid. I grew up with plenty of privileges and I try to pay that forward in my adult life. English is my second of three fluent languages. I am a pansexual, straight-passing cis woman who generally presents femme.
I’ve been completely deaf in my right ear my entire life (unilateral profound deafness, single-sided deafness, or SSD). While I never hid my disability, I grew up learning to overcompensate for my deafness, so it’s mostly invisible in much of my daily life. I have no sense of directional hearing and I hear in mono, so “surround sound” has no dimension for me – it’s just flat. In other words, if I lose my phone, I need someone else to help locate the ring. Loud and crowded situations are very difficult for me to navigate (I call it “socializing on hard mode”) and probably contributed to my lifelong anxiety and social awkwardness. I often accidentally ignore people talking to me on my right side, even if they're sitting right next to me. As a result, I've trained my friends to walk on my left at all times.
I only started identifying as “disabled” as an adult. Discovering how to communicate and accommodate my needs around my deafness has made my adult life profoundly easier and more pleasant.
A few years ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD as the root of my long-term depression and anxiety, and this new understanding helped me shift my mental health to a completely different perspective, with new treatment options and a clearer road to recovery. I've also struggled with lifelong disordered eating, specifically anorexia. Sometimes I have flare-ups that make it difficult to function, but my support system and mental health are better than they've ever been in my adult life.
In my teens, I created and maintained a Sailor Moon website that originated several lifelong friendships. I love web designing for myself and this website is my work using the Themeco Pro Theme (affiliate link).
Thank you for being here and fucking with the things I create. I truly appreciate you. I’d love to connect if any of this resonates with you. Take your pick from the list of platforms above!
You can email me at [email protected] if you'd like to get in touch.
Stay rockward, my friends.
